Sometimes people say things that make us cringe (at least internally). Although they’re not intentionally trying to annoy us, we just wish they would say these things differently, or perhaps not at all.
Today I write about three of my pet peeve phrases. Every time someone says one of these things, I have to keep my mouth shut as I fight the urge to launch into a two-minute rant. So I decided to get it off my chest once and for all.
Phrase #1: How was your vacation?
To me, a vacation is a short period of time spent away from home and work in order to relax. A one-week trip to Cuba staying at the beach is a vacation. A two-week trip to Europe sightseeing and eating out is a vacation. Backpacking through Asia alone for three months is a trip. Most of my trips these days last a month or more, and can sometimes be far from relaxing. I travel for discovery and adventure. If I want complete relaxation, I stay home.
Given the amount of time I spend planning and executing a trip, and everything that can (and does) happen on the road, from communication problems, to avoiding scams, to getting sick, to sharing rooms with scorpions or giant spiders, I prefer to think of my travels as trips, or adventures.
As well, “vacation” seems to imply that I’m taking a break from something. Since I don’t have a 9 to 5 job to escape from, I think of my trips as a part of my lifestyle, something I do on a regular basis because I enjoy it.
A while ago I wrote this post about the differences between a vacationer and an explorer.
Instead ask me: “How was your trip?”
Phrase #2: Welcome back to real life!
This is somewhat related to the previous phrase. “Welcome back to real life” or “Welcome back to reality” implies that my time away was some sort of idyllic time-out I took from my normal tedious life to go and have fun somewhere else, rather than just being another part of a carefully designed lifestyle.
Besides, the use of the world “real” here makes no sense whatsoever. How is drinking a fruit shake on a Thai island any less real than having a cappuccino in a North American city?
I don’t come back to “real life”. I just come back home, where I have a perfectly fine life, thank you very much.
Instead just say: “Welcome back!”
Phrase #3: You’re so lucky to be able to…
This is the worst offender, and is usually related to my travels. To me, it seems to imply that what I did came out of the blue, without requiring any effort or sacrifice. That it was simply good luck. And that the person saying this could never do the same.
Merriam-Webster defines luck as “the things that happen to a person because of chance: the accidental way things happen without being planned”. Being born in a safe and wealthy country like Canada is luck. Getting a same-day appointment with a busy physiotherapist when your back is killing you is luck. Saving money and booking yourself a flight to Australia is not luck.
Do you tell someone who owns a $2000 large screen high-definition TV how “lucky” they are? Do you gush about someone who spends $500 every season to wear the latest fashions? So why is going on a $2000 trip to Europe any different?
As a traveller yourself, you probably know that it all comes down to choices and priorities. Most people living in developed countries these days have money leftover after taking care of basic needs such as shelter and food. This is certainly the case of all the people I talk to who find me so “lucky”. What they do with their disposable income is entirely up to them. Many people choose to spend it on material things: a car, a big TV, new clothes, kitchen or bathroom renovations. Some choose to raise a family, or eat out at fine restaurants and attend live performances every week.
I choose to use my money to travel. I don’t have a family, a car, the latest fashions, or a TV. I rarely eat out or attend shows. I wear my clothes and shoes until they have holes in them. I live in a 600 square feet (55 square metres) apartment. When I was younger and worked a full-time job, I put money aside consistently, which I now use when I need to. I don’t really see where “luck” fits into all this.
As a reader of my blog, you also know that I’ve spent decades honing ways to travel comfortably yet cheaply (for example house-sitting), which allow me to stretch my travel budget over months rather than mere weeks. This is all by design, not luck.
Instead say: Nothing. Or if you’re serious about doing what I did, ask me for tips 🙂
Thanks for reading!
What are the phrases YOU find annoying? Don’t be shy, this is your chance to get them off your chest! Please share in the comments.
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at 11:34 AM
Excellent post Marie!! I am not a house sitter but I do still work while I’m away from home. #3 nailed it for me. I’m so lucky?? Good grief. ~insert eye roll~
at 11:38 AM
Thanks Iva. Yes, an eye roll is what I was going for on the featured photo. 🙂
at 1:07 PM
Great article! Most of my friends and family are very supportive of my itinerant life and I don’t hear these comments. But traveling is certainly “real life.” That is why I travel — to see real life, not to sit in a fancy hotel or cruise ship. Most Americans do not know what “real life” is in most of the rest of the world. Keep em coming!
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at 1:13 PM
He he, quite true Kim! Thanks for chiming in.
at 1:40 PM
I so aggree with you ! Especialy #3 ! Whent friends or people say that too me, I answer “Well life is made of choises. You just made different ones !” Usuly they understand.
at 1:50 PM
That’s a very good and concise answer Roxanne!
at 3:08 PM
The one that annoys me the most is “Aren’t you afraid to travel alone?” It is often a barely-disguised way of telling me I shouldn’t travel alone, because the person talking to me perceives it as dangerous.
A close second is the “scary destination” question — aren’t you afraid to go to [Paris, Istanbul, Brussels, Europe, wherever] because of terrorism.
I don’t usually get into a discussion about this topic, but when I do, I sometimes point out that I have met Europeans who are afraid to travel to the US because of all the mass shootings. I also like to point out that people who drive every day are in much more danger of death/injury from a car crash, compared to my car-free self. Somehow they don’t respond well to “Aren’t you afraid to drive?”
at 3:21 PM
All good ones Karen. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 The frequency of the “aren’t you afraid to travel alone” question seems to go down the more you travel alone and, oh surprise, come back alive! Scary destinations: yes, the US seems much scarier to me than Europe, South East Asia, and most of Latin America! So true about the driving. I don’t drive a car either and always bring up car accident statistics when people mention possible plane crashes.
at 8:19 PM
Good article. I have been guilty of #3 with lots of people but am now aware that it is up to me to make things happen which I am now doing. Everyone has their own story and their own choices. We are all lucky in our own ways.
at 12:29 PM
If you really like the word “luck”, then I’d say that for the most part “we make our own luck”. 🙂
at 8:37 AM
Exactly. We do contribute to our luck and good things.
at 9:27 AM
I especially hate the “You’re so lucky to be able to” part. That’s so condescending!
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at 11:26 AM
I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one to be annoyed by “You’re so lucky…” 🙂
at 12:01 PM
It is annoying when people attribute to luck your ability to do things for which you have worked and sacrificed. However, I try o keep in mind that my ability to travel is also in part luck, just like my current good health. Yes, some of it is the payoff for my own discipline, but that doesn’t mean that a stroke of bad luck might not change things for me. And we don’t always know what struggles other people have, which may make them think they are less lucky than we are.
at 1:09 PM
That’s good insight Karen. I do consider health to be the most important thing in my life. Although health is partly dependent on one’s actions, another part appears to be out of our control. If you frame it like that, I guess I’m able to travel due in part to the lack of “bad luck” befalling me.
at 11:41 AM
I think people use the word ‘luck’ because they are envious or inexperienced in travel. They cannot perceive how to even start on a personal adventure; particularly if their friends and family are not travellers. I know people who haven’t travelled further than a few hundred miles from home. This is my luck of having a family who travelled (even from just an armchair)and instilled the confidence to continue the practice. I know women who envy my position to travel to Africa by myself – because in their culture, a woman who did the same could be ostracized or not supported by their family and friends. This is my luck of being born a Caucasian North American. Sometimes I even think my adventures are lucky; or ‘meant to be’. When I wanted to volunteer in Africa, I was in the right place at the right time to find an NGO that needed my skills when I was free to share them. I say about that time that I was ‘blessed’, not ‘lucky’. But it was an exceptional situation, that I would be hard pressed to replicate 3 years later.
I am more likely to be like Karen, above, as people ask me about being afraid to go to X. But they are seeing travel out of context of the work we do in researching and planning. They make the comment based on the daily news which is just a snapshot of a moment in a different place. Karen is correct that there is more danger crossing our streets or visiting the US than many other places. Any where, any day, someone can be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
at 12:04 PM
Good insight Maria. I agree with all your points. Although where there’s a will, there’s a way. My family didn’t travel, and very few of my friends did. Certainly nobody I knew travelled solo in the early 90s, so I was kind of a “trailblazer” when I started. It took me a while to get going, but I wanted it so bad. This post was mostly me venting, which is why I’m surprised it’s so popular. LOL!
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at 10:10 AM
When I got a job as a travel writer for AAA just 3 months after graduating from UCLA with a degree in English, many people told me I was lucky. Few considered the 100+ well-targeted letters I wrote to get that enviable position. Kudos to you, Marie!
at 4:56 PM
Thanks Melissa. That’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about! I hope you set those people straight! 🙂
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